I was recently in the Virgin Islands for a wedding of two of my best friends in Chicago. Susanne asked me to be one of her attendants, and with the exception of getting stuck holding the bouquet for a while, it was a lovely affair.
I also got to give a toast at the reception, which is something I do pretty well with. I’m hoping, though, that Ken and Susanne will break the trend of short marriages following my excellent toasts. Anyway, I’ve decided to include a general recounting of what I said because it really does remind me of what I’d like for a relationship to be:
"It’s traditional, I believe, to recount an amusing anecdote about the bride and groom in one of these things. I won’t be doing that, because as I thought about it I realized that most of my stories are shameful and autobiographical.
There are many things about Ken and Susanne’s relationship that I appreciate, but one in particular that I admire. They spend a lot of time together, love each other, want to build their lives together, but they also remain individuals. That’s rarer than you might imagine, and it reminds me of some words from Gibran’s The Prophet that I’d like to share:
‘But let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous [especially today!], but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.’
So as we look and the couple today, I’d like us to raise our glasses and wish them distance, and proximity, and most especially love."
