From time to time I find that my life gains momentum from odd sources. Sometimes those sources are positive and sometimes they aren’t but they all manifest themselves with the same pattern.
What happens when they finally reach escape velocity is always interesting.
We all have certain internal rythms and clocks that regulate our lives. Some of them are as short as a blink or a heartbeat and others can take decades to come full cycle. In my life I have found that I never seem to have perfect balance in both my personal and professional life at the same time. When things at home are going wonderfully, work seems to be a painful burden and when work is great things at home could be better. My own internal clocks manage these to things in order to keep me balanced. When my domestic life is happy, I begin to notice the little things at work that didn’t bother me before. A very Chicken and Egg kind of situation for me to decipher.
Over the last few months I have felt those clocks drawing close to another turning point. Work has been a damnable pain in the rear for awhile now and for the first time in my life I am looking for a job while I am still on the payroll of a company. But all of those sources that conspire to push me to a life changing decision are in play again and I can feel them carrying me to a critical juncture.
So what will happen? Will the next turn around an unseen corner lead me to new riches? Will I find out at last the answer to the long standing question "What do I want to be when I grow up?" Or will my next trip into the unkown lead me back to familiar ground? Its happened before. Something momentous occurs and I know in my soul that things in my life have changed forever. But when I look around, all I see are the same things.
How do we control these changes? Can they be controlled? I spend a lot of time wondering about these things and trying to identify places I can exert my own conscious influence over my life. I’ve found a lot of those places. But when the momentum starts to build, I still find myself feeling like the little kid on a sled. I can steer or I can roll off the sled, but in the end I’m getting to the bottom of the hill somehow. Perhaps all I can control is what kind of shape I’m in when the ride is over.
