I was visiting my cousin in California this weekend when I’d heard that Katherine Hepburn had died. Feelings around the house were mixed, ranging from “She was still alive?” to “What a horrible loss” to, in my case, “Hey, what a great idea for a game!”
According to most theologies, I’m on the express train to hell, though not for any interesting reasons. It seems to be that this whole ‘critical thinking’ thing puts me in trouble when it comes to the afterlife. Or maybe it’s the ‘complete smartass’ thing. Either way, I figure I might as well enjoy the events that will lead to my eternal torment, and to that end I recommend that we all play my new game: Who Should Die Next?
We all know, of course, that celebrities tend to die in threes. They’re put up on the screen at the Oscars in a moving tribute, complete with the mutterings of fellow actors saying, “Who the heck is that?” We cannot stop this strange phenomenon, all we can do is sit back, shed our tears, and most importantly, try to control it.
Now, I’m not advocating actually taking life or even wishing for the FIRST of the three people to die. That would be wrong, and might lead to jail time. But once the first celebrity (in this case, Katherine Hepburn) has kicked off, it’s in the hands of fate. Two more will pass on soon, and they might as well be the two of your choosing, right? This weekend my cousin, her fiancï¿œe and I had a spirited debate about who it should be. Trish held out for Pauly Shore, while Chad nominated all members of The Dixie Chicks (this was disallowed, as that would take us into the next triumvirate of dead celebrities. However, it could easily work into the next game, “Which Band Will Die In a Fiery Plane Crash?”). My recommendations of Celine Dion and Keanu Reeves were overruled, and in the end we could reach no compromise. So now I open the game to you, fine reader. Who should be added to our list of Next To Die?
But beware, time is of the essence. Today I heard that Buddy Hackett had died, and now we only have one left to go. Better get your nominations in quickly!
